April 7, 2013

In the rustle of the bush behind her she found a familiar footprint. Only a few marked the soggy dirt which puzzled her. A small voice echoed from behind and she found herself gazing into the eyes of herself as a six year old. The little girl had all the signs of being young except for her eyes which were wrought with the pain of knowledge. In dreams there are instances when you know certain things without having them explained or having any clues that elude to it. This is an example of that phenomenon. She looked at the girl and knew that she had seen everything that would happen to her. The day she kissed a boy who had the taste of a chocolate protein bar in his mouth, the day her mother passed away after she came home from getting gelato, the day she thought she might die from carrying around all of her experiences in her mind.
There was silence.
And then darkness.
Then I woke up.
There are times when I try to remember my life as it used to be and it's like trying to remember a dream upon waking. My friends recall something that happened in our childhood and it feels as though it happened to a stranger. It can be difficult to decipher whether this memory loss is due to the passing of time or the drinks that I've had or the drugs I have taken or the death of my parents - probably a mixture. Sometimes I wonder if I am getting stuck on that marker in my life and letting it define who I am. I'm probably too self involved and reflecting on this is a form of unhealthy self-obsession.
I should live my life in ignorance and sweep this under the rug.

borealis

sweet soul swept up
pathed to your fingertips
disassemble your breath

in this celestial cosmic voice
i tell you what fills the space
between east and west

there cannot be another whose words
turn into mine
and swallow the ground beneath my feet

we will shout and kiss and sing
lost in something unseen
and unknown

the tape has worn out

eyes wide focus lightly
don't scratch the surface
lips dry moving slowly
go slow

can i see this forever?
ordinary and mundane
medicine for my heart
lightly slowly crushed

it's hard not to breathe you in
just keep the window open
open through the night
leaking everything

we'll always have goldsworthy
and water stains on coffee tables
fleeting and fading
turn off the light

it's all over me
and i don't know
what the fuck
we are doing.

when it's time, let me know.

it's in the wind now

uneven dust on the shelf
see the place where you put your shoes
they haven't been there in a while
i can still see them

it'll keep coming
tides in and out
washing away what i thought would stay forever
i can still see them

this can't leave my body
stains on shirts, blood in my fingernails
hush and roar and silence
i can still see them

why aren't they there anymore?

a step in the right direction

Running out the daylight
clinging to the night
stars staring back at us.

This should be
what it is
It still is.

I'll hold out till they come for us
with feather in hand
and you at my side.

Scattered tiny scratches
with a long embrace
Set sail to the wind.

And in the dark before the light goes out.

the cold electric

It was like slipping on a worn pair of shoes
everything  fit where it was supposed to
shrinking away from uncertainty

We can wander into the night
slipping in and out of different universes
just to take a look

For a few seconds at a time I feel
I am in the right place
your gaze within mine

we took this too far

what if i said i missed you

your hair has turned dark and musty

watch the butterflies hatch out of it

in this weathered hand i see

tucked into bed and waiting

swirled destinies and widows wilting

everything melts and mixes

still silently sitting on the top coagulating 

this will take too long

i see the beginning of it

galloping and shredding through 

everything that had been carefully laid out.