6:30 AM on a Monday

dream about mom
found her on the floor in the living room
passed out
woke her up, she was out of it, loopy
i told her not to worry
we are going to beat this
she pointed to her breast
with this?
blueberries, we will get you some blueberries
and frozen yogurt
there is blood on the floor
i spewed blood when i saw her
let's get you cleaned up and to some frozen yogurt
i bet you we will be here for your fifty-fifth birthday
ok
she said she will pay me back next year for the blueberries
i lead her to a chair by the bathroom so she can sit and wait
she falls against the walls
unable to stay vertical
losing vision
someone is in the bathroom
she has to wait

i looked across the dark ocean
a bright light shining at me
it meanders slowly to the right
always checking on me
sends its search light at me
it's a boat
it's a whale
it's mom
wandering the ocean in the dark hours of the morning
half moon
eerie silence
grandma is watching tv in her room
1940s loud ocean silence mom
she was looking for me

wind blows

there is a breeze that blows specifically through your hair and when it comes out the other side the sun shines on it making it new and clean, near the ocean i heard you speak and your convincing apologies raffling back and forth we are so close to being
those conversations so long so long i can't remember what we said i was in my blanket laughing and puget sound was moaning
saying too much all of the time, is there meaning in this but all the beauty i see i feel you see it too why can't we see it together
stop playing that music stop making me feel stop this romantic nonsense it can't convince me your apologies roaring and swinging
can i separate the yoke from the egg white
can i come back to the kitchen
can i sit down with you
just sit.